The Time He Liked Me…

So you guys know how hormonal I’ve been lately, well this time, the tables turned and the feelings weren’t there.

So, this all started out when the guy, let’s call him ‘O’, started an innocent conversation with me in the lunch line about change. I had a lot of loose change in my hand and he commented on it as it is an Asain stereotype (to have a lot of change) and we had a one second convo, we got our lunch and went our separate ways.

I wasn’t expecting him to remember that convo, I didn’t even think we were on the ‘hi’ level. But turns out, we were! We both come early to college and just sit in the common room. I think it was the next day that i entered the common room, he was there looking at me and I give him the nod – so here I confirm that we are kind of mates.

After that we keep nodding to other and I often caught him staring at me but me not doing anything back, I didn’t think it was weird. Once I was leaving college and he was smiling and staring at me and said something about change and I just shouted ‘alright’ with a smile.  I should’ve found the stares unusual but I didn’t.

The following week was when it all went down! One day, O and our mutual friend were talking about the law that if someone dies in the exam hall, all the students present would pass the exam, I was next to them talking to WAE and I overheard and confirmed it to him, he asked if I would sacrifice someone and I said (as a laugh) I would. WAE, had drama rehearsals for her exam so I was basically alone for some what 2 weeks. I would hang out with my other friends but this day, there wasn’t anyone to hang out with, so I sat on the table and started editing the sundae picture for my previous blog post. He comes up to me and says ‘did your squad abandon you’, as a joke, and told me to hang out with him so I did. We also learnt eachother’s names.

One day, I finished my lesson 10 minutes early so I went to the common room, as you do. He was there and I thought of something. I would always leave 3-5 minutes before the bell would go so I can leave when the gates open. I said to myself that if I leave and he follows me, he likes me, so I said bye to my friends very loudly and made sure that he knew this. I leave and halfway through, I hear someone call my name  and guess who it was, that’s right, O. We had banter about biryani and I went home.

I did have an inkling but I didn’t think about it until he found me on Instagram and started to frequently dm me! I would answer back but then he would not stop talking. After that I would leave it unseen after a few minutes because I was either doing work or binge watching the Originals – but I would always say that I’m doing work. I told him that I got a media exam and I was revising for that.

He told me that he would help me revise for it, even though he does not do the subject. The day happened when he would ‘help me’ and I said that I’m sick of Media and can’t be asked to revise for it; that didn’t stop him from staying though. So, me trying to be nice spent the entire freaking lunch with him, with his mate snapping a pic of us and sending it to him; he didn’t show me but I saw my stripped jumper. O also made a family tree with his mates and when one of his mates asked where I am, he said MY WIFE!!! I said ‘what’ and said I want a divorce. FML

We’re in the same house at college so we had to go to the same building (unfortunately) and he asked me if he can walk with me home. In my head, I scream ‘NO’, but I said that I walk fast and don’t like to wait for anyone but he said ‘we’re best friends now, I’ll wait for you’. I immediately say that I have a best friend so he has to be my second one, and then he said ‘did you just second grade me’ and I flat out said ‘yes’.

After that I started praying that he doesn’t walk me and when the bell went, I ran like there was no tomorrow. But he found me. And I was contemplating my entire existance. I was feeling so suffocated and I felt like running and stabbing O in the face. I was purposely making awkward conversations by not saying anything, avoiding eye contact and talking to my mates who were around. My bus comes, he says bye, I get in and try to forget what just happened. My mate with me said ‘did he wait for you?’, I unfortunately said ‘yes, but I don’t know why’. She started making that gushed face (as a tease) and I immediately shut her down and she says that if he does like me, blame A levels, which was always the plan.

This one girl who I thoroughly dislike and unfortunately tolerate was constantly making weird smirks at me whenever I was talking to O. I knew for a fact that if I ever talk to her, she would talk about it, so that’s exactly what I did; we take the same bus so I had an opportunity to talk to her. I had to muster the strength to say ‘hi’ and when I did, after a few seconds of small talk we immediately asks me, ‘how’s your love life’ – see I told you! I tell her that there’s nothing going on between us and I knew that she would talk about it. She said that he might like me and I reply that I hope he doesn’t; hoping that she might hint it at him because she’s that type of bitch who gets involved in people’s matters. But I don’t think she did *sigh*.

After that, I felt like complete shit, for some reason. I feel depressed and suffocated and I wanted to beat him up. I think its because I’ve never experianced this because I went to an only girl’s secondary and I seriously did not like him back.

So this is when I decided that I am going to set the record straight, I told a lot of people about my situation, I even got a guy’s point of view on the entire thing and they all think that he’s a creep. I don’t think he’s a creep, just an idiot in a weird form of love.

I got mixed advice from everyone, one friend said to immediately let him down, my sister said to indirectly reject him, WAE said ‘lol’ and to make sure that he actually does like me, my cousin said to block him and to say that my mum doesn’t like it when I talk to guys on Instagram. Love my Cousin.

One time, I came to school and HE WAS THE ONLY ONE THERE!!! I freak out and run to the computer room upstairs. He said that I can stay in the room but I just said that I have work to do. FMLx2

The next day was my media exam! I was both dreading the exam and O. I was with my mate who does media and he was there to asking questions about it. I was shouting at him to both be rude and because I was worried.

My media exam went good (they repeated the same question 3 years in a row) and I went to the common room because it was break. I noticed something, I noticed that whenever I was alone, he would approach me. I was with WAE and she went to the toilets, meaning that I was alone, he came and asked me how it went and I noticed a trend, there was a time when he could’ve talked to me, but he didn’t because I was with my friends; WAE said it was because he would want to spend anytime alone with me because he is infatuated. FMLx3

So this was when shit got real! He dmed me, after two days (his longest break) thinking that he was over it, obviously I was wrong. He asked me if I am ready for Ramadan. I first freak out, vent my anger out on Snapchat and I use my sister to help me get rid of him.

– After that, I say yes and it will be hard for the fuckboys
– He says ‘what fuckboys’
– I said the fuckboys who crush on a girl, keeps talking to her and tells all his friends about her.  As you can see, I was indirecting him.
– He says ‘sounds like me’
– And I said ‘oh my God, your a fuckboy’
– I start ranting why i don’t want a boyfriend and I don’t understand why anyone would want one because it is against religion. As you can see, I was throwing him off.
– As a ‘laugh’ ‘ I said i know u love me’ – I was saying it on purpose but I was also joking around with him.                             – He said ‘that obvious’ – i’m not sure whether he was being serious or was joking with me.
– Then he says how he’s tried to not talk to me as much because he knew that I was revising but he just does it – I was afraid to read the message, just read the bit shown and I thought that he was confessing. I didn’t read the message and left him hanging for a few minutes, I just read the first line.  I was also talking to my guy friend about this.
– I read what he wrote and said that I’m confused because I didn’t see how that linked to what we were talking (after I look back I realise) and I thought that if I write that, it’ll make me seem clueless about the situation and that I don’t know that he likes me.
– He explains it.
– Before I wrote that, he said ‘so where do we go from here’ and he says it again.
– I said ‘wait do u actually like me’, to make it seem as if I was clueless and he said ‘yes’,
– I said that I was only joking and he said ‘well I f****d up’.
– Then he says that he thinks he knows where this is heading – my idiot sister was with me and rather than me turning me down there and then, she grabs my phone and writes ‘where’ – this really irritated me because she prolonged the conversation and it allowed him to talk more. FMLx4
– He said either that we should just be friends and forget about this conversation or just not be friends and forget about this conversation.
– I said that we shouldn’t talk and that I’m sorry – i didn’t want to continue being friends with O because I felt that he only became friends because he liked me, not because of a random joke and I doubt the feelings would go away that easily.
– He said that there’s no need to apologise.

After that, I block and unblock him on Instagram and I made sure that he didn’t have my Snapchat.

I told all of my friends and they all said that I did a good thing, WAE said that it’s like a TV Show, my other beautiful friend says ‘you just broke a little boy’s heart’ and to revise and my sister says that I was too mean when I said that we shouldn’t talk.

I don’t know why I acted clueless about the whole situation, I felt as if, if he knew that I knew, then it would’ve been a lot more weird (in my opinion).

After that, I admit, I was a bit afraid to see him in college because of awkwardness, but it was alright. I have caught him staring at me and so has WAE. But one day, he will get over me and I won’t ever have to worry about him ever again!

Personally, I felt like a boss! I knew that this day would happen, but a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and I felt LIBERATED!

I am a bit gassed that he liked me, because I am going through a hormonal time where I feel ugly and no one will love me. (I know) But this has shown a beacon of hope for me and that I will hopefully end up with a guy that I actually like (and vise versa).

But I mostly did hate every single minute of it, I think it was mainly because I was not attracted to him AT ALL! There was nothing wrong with him (other than the creepy love sick vibe) and he wasn’t visually displeasing, I just didn’t like him!

But what I find so strange is that if I didn’t have the change in my hand, then he wouldn’t have had sparked that conversation with me and this entire thing would have never happened!

So your probably reading this and thinking what the entire point of his post! Something like this has never happened to me, this is definitely because I went to an only girl’s school and I didn’t know any guys, so this is a sort of diary entree and an advice post to someone in my situation.

If you think a guy likes you, first confirm it before you say something, or else you would probably look a bit stupid.

Anonymous Angel

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