When I was young, 5 years old to be precise, I did not know who/what God was. It wasn’t until my cousins came to visit from Pakistan that I had discovered who He is. I did have some friends who would talk about him but I thought that he was just an Imaam at a mosque.
Growing up, I wasn’t very religious and to be honest, I’m still not. I don’t dress modestly, apart from only wearing sleeved tops, I don’t cover my hair, I don’t pray 5 times a day, I don’t mind having a boyfriend and a few other things that some people would cast as ‘not being religious’.
If you have read my first blog post, you would know that I was the only Muslim girl in my class who did not wear a head scarf and I was treated very harshly for that. Being told that I am going straight to hell, snakes would eat my corpse and the Sun would burn me, just because of wearing nail polish. I was not only confused but upset at these so called ‘friends’ for saying this stuff to me and to be honest, I did not know what to do.
Part of me did not believe them whatsoever, but a part of me was rethinking as to how religious I really am and whether I really was ‘a muslim’.
My family aren’t as religious as the next family, except for my dad who you can say is the most religious family member.
I’m not totally secular, I have read the Qu’ran, 4 times to be exact, I understand its meaning, I know how to pray namaaz, I am a firm believer in God. So how could they just say that I’m not Muslim?
I admit I’m not sure whether to believe every single thing on the Qu’ran, I’m not sure whether to believe in heaven and hell or in jins. I’m more of an ‘I’ll believe it till I see it’ kind of girl.
Coming in to secondary school did help me as I was not the only one who did not wear a headscarf and I found out that another girl who went to the same primary school as me had also faced the same problem but she was in a different class to me.
I realised that I wasn’t alone.
What I fail to understand is that isn’t bullying a big no in religion? Isn’t it wrong to oppress someone? Wouldn’t that leave a mark on judgement day?
I personally believe that everyone has their own take on what exactly religion is to them. Someone can be the most modest person but that might not reflect what’s on the inside, maybe to someone, praying isn’t the only way to stay connected to God, but through something else.
Whatever it is, I hope it allows you to feel closer to God as well as to identify with your religion.