The Time He Liked Me…

So you guys know how hormonal I’ve been lately, well this time, the tables turned and the feelings weren’t there.

So, this all started out when the guy, let’s call him ‘O’, started an innocent conversation with me in the lunch line about change. I had a lot of loose change in my hand and he commented on it as it is an Asain stereotype (to have a lot of change) and we had a one second convo, we got our lunch and went our separate ways.

I wasn’t expecting him to remember that convo, I didn’t even think we were on the ‘hi’ level. But turns out, we were! We both come early to college and just sit in the common room. I think it was the next day that i entered the common room, he was there looking at me and I give him the nod – so here I confirm that we are kind of mates.

After that we keep nodding to other and I often caught him staring at me but me not doing anything back, I didn’t think it was weird. Once I was leaving college and he was smiling and staring at me and said something about change and I just shouted ‘alright’ with a smile.  I should’ve found the stares unusual but I didn’t.

The following week was when it all went down! One day, O and our mutual friend were talking about the law that if someone dies in the exam hall, all the students present would pass the exam, I was next to them talking to WAE and I overheard and confirmed it to him, he asked if I would sacrifice someone and I said (as a laugh) I would. WAE, had drama rehearsals for her exam so I was basically alone for some what 2 weeks. I would hang out with my other friends but this day, there wasn’t anyone to hang out with, so I sat on the table and started editing the sundae picture for my previous blog post. He comes up to me and says ‘did your squad abandon you’, as a joke, and told me to hang out with him so I did. We also learnt eachother’s names.

One day, I finished my lesson 10 minutes early so I went to the common room, as you do. He was there and I thought of something. I would always leave 3-5 minutes before the bell would go so I can leave when the gates open. I said to myself that if I leave and he follows me, he likes me, so I said bye to my friends very loudly and made sure that he knew this. I leave and halfway through, I hear someone call my name  and guess who it was, that’s right, O. We had banter about biryani and I went home.

I did have an inkling but I didn’t think about it until he found me on Instagram and started to frequently dm me! I would answer back but then he would not stop talking. After that I would leave it unseen after a few minutes because I was either doing work or binge watching the Originals – but I would always say that I’m doing work. I told him that I got a media exam and I was revising for that.

He told me that he would help me revise for it, even though he does not do the subject. The day happened when he would ‘help me’ and I said that I’m sick of Media and can’t be asked to revise for it; that didn’t stop him from staying though. So, me trying to be nice spent the entire freaking lunch with him, with his mate snapping a pic of us and sending it to him; he didn’t show me but I saw my stripped jumper. O also made a family tree with his mates and when one of his mates asked where I am, he said MY WIFE!!! I said ‘what’ and said I want a divorce. FML

We’re in the same house at college so we had to go to the same building (unfortunately) and he asked me if he can walk with me home. In my head, I scream ‘NO’, but I said that I walk fast and don’t like to wait for anyone but he said ‘we’re best friends now, I’ll wait for you’. I immediately say that I have a best friend so he has to be my second one, and then he said ‘did you just second grade me’ and I flat out said ‘yes’.

After that I started praying that he doesn’t walk me and when the bell went, I ran like there was no tomorrow. But he found me. And I was contemplating my entire existance. I was feeling so suffocated and I felt like running and stabbing O in the face. I was purposely making awkward conversations by not saying anything, avoiding eye contact and talking to my mates who were around. My bus comes, he says bye, I get in and try to forget what just happened. My mate with me said ‘did he wait for you?’, I unfortunately said ‘yes, but I don’t know why’. She started making that gushed face (as a tease) and I immediately shut her down and she says that if he does like me, blame A levels, which was always the plan.

This one girl who I thoroughly dislike and unfortunately tolerate was constantly making weird smirks at me whenever I was talking to O. I knew for a fact that if I ever talk to her, she would talk about it, so that’s exactly what I did; we take the same bus so I had an opportunity to talk to her. I had to muster the strength to say ‘hi’ and when I did, after a few seconds of small talk we immediately asks me, ‘how’s your love life’ – see I told you! I tell her that there’s nothing going on between us and I knew that she would talk about it. She said that he might like me and I reply that I hope he doesn’t; hoping that she might hint it at him because she’s that type of bitch who gets involved in people’s matters. But I don’t think she did *sigh*.

After that, I felt like complete shit, for some reason. I feel depressed and suffocated and I wanted to beat him up. I think its because I’ve never experianced this because I went to an only girl’s secondary and I seriously did not like him back.

So this is when I decided that I am going to set the record straight, I told a lot of people about my situation, I even got a guy’s point of view on the entire thing and they all think that he’s a creep. I don’t think he’s a creep, just an idiot in a weird form of love.

I got mixed advice from everyone, one friend said to immediately let him down, my sister said to indirectly reject him, WAE said ‘lol’ and to make sure that he actually does like me, my cousin said to block him and to say that my mum doesn’t like it when I talk to guys on Instagram. Love my Cousin.

One time, I came to school and HE WAS THE ONLY ONE THERE!!! I freak out and run to the computer room upstairs. He said that I can stay in the room but I just said that I have work to do. FMLx2

The next day was my media exam! I was both dreading the exam and O. I was with my mate who does media and he was there to asking questions about it. I was shouting at him to both be rude and because I was worried.

My media exam went good (they repeated the same question 3 years in a row) and I went to the common room because it was break. I noticed something, I noticed that whenever I was alone, he would approach me. I was with WAE and she went to the toilets, meaning that I was alone, he came and asked me how it went and I noticed a trend, there was a time when he could’ve talked to me, but he didn’t because I was with my friends; WAE said it was because he would want to spend anytime alone with me because he is infatuated. FMLx3

So this was when shit got real! He dmed me, after two days (his longest break) thinking that he was over it, obviously I was wrong. He asked me if I am ready for Ramadan. I first freak out, vent my anger out on Snapchat and I use my sister to help me get rid of him.

– After that, I say yes and it will be hard for the fuckboys
– He says ‘what fuckboys’
– I said the fuckboys who crush on a girl, keeps talking to her and tells all his friends about her.  As you can see, I was indirecting him.
– He says ‘sounds like me’
– And I said ‘oh my God, your a fuckboy’
– I start ranting why i don’t want a boyfriend and I don’t understand why anyone would want one because it is against religion. As you can see, I was throwing him off.
– As a ‘laugh’ ‘ I said i know u love me’ – I was saying it on purpose but I was also joking around with him.                             – He said ‘that obvious’ – i’m not sure whether he was being serious or was joking with me.
– Then he says how he’s tried to not talk to me as much because he knew that I was revising but he just does it – I was afraid to read the message, just read the bit shown and I thought that he was confessing. I didn’t read the message and left him hanging for a few minutes, I just read the first line.  I was also talking to my guy friend about this.
– I read what he wrote and said that I’m confused because I didn’t see how that linked to what we were talking (after I look back I realise) and I thought that if I write that, it’ll make me seem clueless about the situation and that I don’t know that he likes me.
– He explains it.
– Before I wrote that, he said ‘so where do we go from here’ and he says it again.
– I said ‘wait do u actually like me’, to make it seem as if I was clueless and he said ‘yes’,
– I said that I was only joking and he said ‘well I f****d up’.
– Then he says that he thinks he knows where this is heading – my idiot sister was with me and rather than me turning me down there and then, she grabs my phone and writes ‘where’ – this really irritated me because she prolonged the conversation and it allowed him to talk more. FMLx4
– He said either that we should just be friends and forget about this conversation or just not be friends and forget about this conversation.
– I said that we shouldn’t talk and that I’m sorry – i didn’t want to continue being friends with O because I felt that he only became friends because he liked me, not because of a random joke and I doubt the feelings would go away that easily.
– He said that there’s no need to apologise.

After that, I block and unblock him on Instagram and I made sure that he didn’t have my Snapchat.

I told all of my friends and they all said that I did a good thing, WAE said that it’s like a TV Show, my other beautiful friend says ‘you just broke a little boy’s heart’ and to revise and my sister says that I was too mean when I said that we shouldn’t talk.

I don’t know why I acted clueless about the whole situation, I felt as if, if he knew that I knew, then it would’ve been a lot more weird (in my opinion).

After that, I admit, I was a bit afraid to see him in college because of awkwardness, but it was alright. I have caught him staring at me and so has WAE. But one day, he will get over me and I won’t ever have to worry about him ever again!

Personally, I felt like a boss! I knew that this day would happen, but a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and I felt LIBERATED!

I am a bit gassed that he liked me, because I am going through a hormonal time where I feel ugly and no one will love me. (I know) But this has shown a beacon of hope for me and that I will hopefully end up with a guy that I actually like (and vise versa).

But I mostly did hate every single minute of it, I think it was mainly because I was not attracted to him AT ALL! There was nothing wrong with him (other than the creepy love sick vibe) and he wasn’t visually displeasing, I just didn’t like him!

But what I find so strange is that if I didn’t have the change in my hand, then he wouldn’t have had sparked that conversation with me and this entire thing would have never happened!

So your probably reading this and thinking what the entire point of his post! Something like this has never happened to me, this is definitely because I went to an only girl’s school and I didn’t know any guys, so this is a sort of diary entree and an advice post to someone in my situation.

If you think a guy likes you, first confirm it before you say something, or else you would probably look a bit stupid.

Anonymous Angel

The Guy Who Made Me Feel Special…for a few minutes

*WARNING EXTREME HORMONES FROM A SINGLE 17 YEAR OLD*

Binge listening to Ed Sheeran whilst writing this!

So, my mate got a boyfriend and I am SOOO happy for her. They are so loved up and are VERY loved up, I mean VERY, like physical. Yeah. And she met the family, they cuddled and did stuff that ended up making her feel sore. YEAH. It made me feel like shit because I don’t have a boyfriend (IKR) and I wanted someone who made me feel that special (like she was blushing) and someone to have a connection with (both emotionally and physically, dont worry, I took a vow of chasity).

So I was having mixed feelings after that.

During my last lesson, we did an English Quiz and we won (cuz we’re amazing) and I stayed behind to get my essay back and I thought we were getting our prize (which we didn’t). So I left college later than usual. I catch my bus (after 5 mins of waiting eventhough the app said 2), sat down and after a few stops, this guy comes on with his mother ( I presume) in a wheelchair, I was like what a sweet and fit guy; he was giving Machine Gun Kelly vibes. I was like ‘he’s fit but nothing will happen’ and something did. On my second last stop, and look up and and see him staring and smiling at me!

IM LIKE WHAT THE F***K?!?!?! A good looking, sweet guy is staring and smiling AT ME!!! ME!!! ME!!!!!

I obviously smile back and start parading in my head. HE SMILED FIRST, HE STARED FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I GET THAT I MAY BE OVER REACTING BUT TO A GIRL WHO WANTS TO BE ‘LOOKED AT’, I’M DEAD!!!

So this kept on going on until my freaking stop came. SIGH!!!

I SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING!!!!! I SHOULD HAVE MOUTHED ‘HI’ BUT I WAS MOTHER F*****G SCARED!!!! WHY?!?!?!?!?!

So I tried to plan my journey again, but he didn’t show. IT WAS A ONE TIME THING AND I THINK THAT I WILL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN!!!! WHY?!?!?!

I told my mate and she was praying that I’d see him again,  but I was so upset. Like dying, like Jane when Michael died. I WANT TO SEE HIM AGAIN!!!

A guy, who was sweet for taking care of a woman in a wheel chair and good looking smiled at me first; it made me feel feeling that I didn’t know I had.

And you have no idea how badly I want to see him again. LIKE SERIOUSLY!!! PLEASE!!!!!!

It made me realise that one day, something like this will hopefully happen to me someday, and I know that when that day hopefully happens, I will be feeling those things again.

I was reading my horoscope on Cosmopolitan and it said that this year, I will get into a relationship and for two weeks, it said that it will happen, but nothing did.

I just want to feel speicial and loved, I know that I don’t need a guy to make me feel special but… I just want one, I just do,  I blame hormones.

But he was definately the guy who made me feel special first. And I want to see him again, I really do.

The emotions I’m experiencing whilst writing this!

I seriously want to see him again, like seriously.

Anonymous Angel

Living Without Mother For A Week!

If you’re anything like me, then you probably depend on you mother to do most of the chores in the household and have a mother there by your side every day. – I do iron my clothes and hoover occasionally.

I admit me and my sisters are SPOILT!

So when my mother had decided to go Umrah (it is a type of pilgrimage for Muslims in Mecca, Saudi Arabia which can be performed at anytime of the year and is not mandatory, unlike Hajj, which is a mandatory pilgrimage for Muslims in the same place). I was so happy for her but then I realised that we won’t have her for a whole week! – My mum does work part-time at retail, so we usually don’t see her in the morning during Sundays and the occasional Saturday but we always see her on the weekdays (she works when we are at college or school). But during half term (where she is going), we usually don’t see her until late afternoon. But in the night she is with us; so we realised that this will be a bit awkward. It’ll not only be awkward because usually, my mother does all of the ‘heavy lifting’ in the household cooking and advanced cleaning.

My dad works from late afternoon to evenings in the weekdays but he took a week off for this occasion. – It will be quite difficult for him as he does cook and clean but also relies on mum for the heavy lifting.

Writing this blog post is making me reflect on how spoilt we all are.

So after the emotional goodbye party, we waved our mother goodbye for her religious journey.

THE DAY SHE LEFT: 

Mum has just left and we hang out at our grandparents’ house with the family members who did not go. We went to Lidl because the bakery is AMAZING (you HAVE to try the croissants) for tomorrow’s breakfast, but the number of baked goods we bought can last us for the whole week! We also bought other items such as biscuits for our tea and Weetabix for my sister. We also went to the meat shop to get some chicken for lunch.

So you can say that we’re sorted for at least 2-3 days!

Whilst at home, our mother called and told us that she is on the plane with the rest of our family.

My dad made an AMAZING dinner (chicken curry) and we did the regular cleaning up that we usually do. I think the only difference was that she wasn’t there to clean the table, my sister was.

DAY 1:

It’s the morning and nothing feels unusual. We’re used to not having mum in the mornings on the weekend so on a Monday morning it feels like a typical Sunday. She called to inform us that she has completed her Umrah and she is at Burger King having a halal chicken burger (you don’t get halal Burger King in London).

My dad boiled up some chicken and I made some sandwiches for me, my little sister and my dad (my other sister went tuition so she missed out on my culinary skills). My dad was a bit annoyed that I didn’t wash the dishes but I HATE THE CHORE!

We went on with our day, I procrastinated, my sister did some work and my little sister went tuition.

My dad made some lamb curry and we did the usual cleaning up.

DAY 2:

I went to visit a studio so I wasn’t able to chat with my mum (I’m trying to call as I’m typing but NOTHING is happening).

I came back to see this elegant pot sitting on our counter top, it was filled with some pasta, I ask my dad as to who gave it and it was from our beautiful neighbour because she knew that our mum has gone to be religious and might’ve thought that we’re probably suffering without her presence. The pasta was delicious.

I unfortunately washed the dishes.Worst thing EVER!

We have decided to visit our grandparents as they are alone right now because our aunt has gone with my mum so we thought to just bring some food and socialise.

We went to our grandparents’ house and it was fun! We ate, watched TV, I helped make the chapati (roti) and I made the BEST tea.

We also went to our cousin’s house to make sure that everything is alright, they have also gone Umrah and do not have an alarm. – I stole some polo!

I stayed up quite late doing my work and then I went to sleep!

DAY 3:

I wake up to realise that both my aunt and my mother have sent some PICTURES! And they were also online so I had a mini Whatsapp conversation with them. My mum said she loved me.

I had my breakfast and then we chatted to my mum on FACE TIME (wifi in the hotel is £10 a day, IKR) and I hoovered the entire house. I am now procrastinating and writing a blog post!

I have had my lunch, I had pasta again, and I am still procrastinating. How will I finish my History Essay?!

I have gone through a mini break-through in my work but you know, when your 17 and in half term, all you wanna do is be free!

For dinner, my dad made some plain rice and we had it with the leftover chicken we had on Monday because you might as well.

We did the usual cleaning, I did a bit more homework and Day 3 was over!

DAY 4: 

My dad is really into property auctions, so today we went to the Allsop Residential Property Election. We did not get the desired house. But it was SO much fun, the auctioneer had SO much banter!

We arrive home and I have some maggi noodles (sub asian version of ramen)!

We chat with mum on the phone which is obviously a good time.

screenshot_20170217-141408483

My AMAZING Shopping List!

We went shopping for gifts for my mom and my cousin, who went to Umrah, as a way of congratulating them and going Sainsburys to buy some stuff for dinner and for my Oreo Cheesecake that I will make on Sunday  – we were successful in buying suits for them! As you can see in our shopping, we were unsuccessful in buying some toffee youghurt for my lovely little sister.

 

I continue in barely doing my work!

For dinner we had my favourite meal off all time…STEAK!!! With mushroom sauce, creamy af mashed potatoes and chips! – Recipes for the first three will be coming soon.

Unfortunately, we didn’t make chips due because I was the only one who wanted them but we decided on making A LOT of mash! – This was a mistake.

Mum had given my the recipe for the marinade AGES ago so all I had to do was tell dad and the chicken steaks ended up as PERFECT!

I boiled the potatoes for the mash but I unfortunately did not boil them enough, turns out you need more than 20 mins. – So we ended up with uncooked lumps; we still ate it anyway. *sigh* I tried putting it in the microwave for 5 minutes but NOTHING! *sigh*

But the sauce ended up to be perfect so not everything fell to ashes!

After that, we did the usual thing of cleaning up, I made the tea and watched some YouTube videos.

DAY 5:

ONLY 2 MORE DAYS TO GO!

I wake up VERY EARLY (9am) and make some breakfast (toast) and watch Relic Hunter!

I help my sisters make some fluffy ass pancakes from Zoella – which were AMAZING and I head upstairs!

Right now, I am doing my homework and writing on this blog!

I have had my lunch, we has potatoe patties (aloo tikkies) and dad made then a BIT to spicy for our liking, I cleaned up, made some green tea and my sister left for her sleepover.

We have also decided to go to our grandparent’s house again, just because.

We went to our grandparents’ house and ate A LOT of food, I mean A LOT! Me and my sister helped out in the kitchen, I made the tea, she washed the dishes and Karachi Kings won the torunament!

WE unfortunately were not able to talk to our mother as they were busy sight-seeing Medinah.

Now we’re at home and I’m doing my History Essay, updating my Media blog and writing on this blog. Till then, GOODNIGHT!

Day 6:

ONE DAY TO GO!!!

Today we are going to…JUMP EVOLUTION!!! So exited!!!

We were able to talk to our mum today but I can’t remember what we talked about for some strange reason.

We had breakfast and I made my famous Oreo Cheesecake (recipe on this blog btw) for tommorow and went to our aunt’s house! (I woke up at 11ish so I didn’t have lunch)

We went to Jump Evolution and it was SOOO much fun! I lost a sock and there was this cute worker there (I’m 17 and hormonal ok).

We were planning on going to McDonalds but it was closed for renovation (oh well) so we decided to go to this Asian restaurant instead called Kebabish! – There food was AMAZING!

We came back to our aunt’s house, had the food, ate desert and drank some swiss hot chocolate!

We came back home and guess what, our neighbour gave us some MORE food, a Sunday Roast and our aunt had given us leftovers!

I got into my PJs, watched YouTube videos, watched a bit of Indian dramas and immediately fell asleep; I was SO tried!

THE DAY SHE RETURNED:

SHE’S COMING BACK TODAY!!!

OMG so I wake up at 11 (I know, I know) and have my breakfast, I’m watching Relic Hunter and my dad comes and starts talking about the flowers that we have to buy for our family who are coming TODAY, my dad and my sister go to Sainsburys and bought some nice ass bouquets for them!

My dad tells me to hoover the ENTIRE house (which I don’t mind) and also mop downstairs; I hoover upstairs, swept downstairs (procrastination) and moped. I also cleaned the bins and helped my sisters make their red velvet cake (I just butted in). I barely touched my work today.

I’m doing the usual procrastination and we get the call that the flight LANDED!!!

We head to our grandparents’ house and wait. We get the text that they are about a minute away so we grab the bouquets and head to the hall way; we got too excited when the mini van arrived (12 family members went) and ran outside. THE MINUTE I SAW MY MUM I JUST RAN FOR HER!!! – I also saw my mum and dad hug, which was sweet but unusual.

After the emotional reunion, we headed inside, ate food and caught up with life!

We received SO many personalised gifts which were: phone case, keyring and mirror! My name was written in Arabic! Mum also bought God knows how many packets of dates and A LOT of Zam Zam water (holy water).

Writing this blog and living without my mum has really made me reflect on how much we depend on her, the laundry was not touched and I couldn’t make a decent mashed potatoes.

But one thing I can definitely say is that our bond grew even more stronger!

I hope you guys have enjoyed this blog post, sorry I haven’t been writing weekly, I have SOOO much college work to do it’s tiring. See you guys whenever.

Anonymous Angel

How I got my glasses + Contact Lenses

Ok, so I have been wearing glasses for about 7 years now. I was in English and we had to answer the questions of the board, I started answering the questions and suddenly…

you guessed it, the sentences on the board started getting blurry. This had never happened before and I thought it was just me being me. I ended up missing 2 questions.

After school I told my mum what had happened and she told me to read a sentence from the TV at a long distance, it was a little bit blurry but I could read it fine resulting in my mother not being too bothered about it. Then, my vision had gotten worse, so worse that I needed my friend to help me read the questions of the board. After that, my mum had booked me an appointment at the opticians (Optical Express) and, surprise, surprise, I needed glasses. I’m short-sighted, meaning that I can see things clearly if they are close to me, but I can’t see thing over long distances. A few months later, my sister needed glasses, my other sister needed glasses and my 3 cousins!!! Crazy right. What kind of gene pool is this? I think my eye sight was -0.5 to -1 at the start. Now it’s -3.75. Yep!

I wasn’t always a big fan of my glasses, I’m not really now. I would like to wake up and see everything clearly, I don’t like constantly having to clean my glasses (even though I barely do it anyway) and I don’t want to rely on something for the rest of my life. But alas I have to. I actually want to do laser eye surgery but I am scared to do it as there is an unfortunate risk of blindness and eye damage. YAY!

But there is one thing that has kind of made my life quite easier and that is contact lenses!

I was desperate to get contact lenses as I personally think that I look better without glasses, not saying that gasses make you look ugly, so I was begging my mum to book an appointment for me to get them done. My sister, who is 2 years younger than me had gotten them so it was fair if I had gotten them to as I am older.

My mum had FINALLY booked an appointment, this time at Specsavers!

First, they have to examine your eye and see if your eyes are healthy enough to get them done. They put a yellow dye in your eye to detect if you have dry eyes. The optician had said that my eyes are a little bit dry and my mum said that it runs in the family. Great! They also put a stick in your eyes to keep them open I think but I can’t remember. I think they put other drops in to but I think every opticians have their own way of doing it.

After that appointment, they order some contacts for you! In Specsavers, there are 3 options of what contacts you want: £30.00 contacts, £34.00 contacts and £40.00 contacts all have 30 pairs of the lenses coloured or clear. I chose clear. I had first opted for the £30.00 contacts but my eyes had felt weird wearing them, this is actually because eyes are fairly big, so the optician had recommended me the £34.00 and they feel A LOT better.

Once the contacts have arrived, they book an appointment and teach you how to put them in!

  1. They did give me a booklet about the facts and how to insert them. They also tackled the myth that contacts can go behind the eye, it is IMPOSSIBLE!
  2. They had told me to wash my hands and dry them thoroughly so you don’t get little specks of dust in the contacts and in your eye.
  3. They make you put the contacts in and out of your eye 3 times to make sure you have mastered it. It took me half an hour to do it, which is apparently the average time it takes for a person to do it.
  4. After that, the optician checks your eyes, with the contacts in them, and books another appointments where they check you in your contacts again to ensure that the lenses are perfect for your eyes. The optician just checks your eye sight and puts a bright light in your eye to make sure everything is good. This is where I found out that I should opt for the £34.00 contacts instead.
  5. When all that is done, they will see you every 2 years (depending on the opticians) as a regular follow-up.

I got my very own stash of contacts on the 14th July 2016, so I’m currently in the journey of contacts. I only wear my contacts for occasions and get togethers.

As I do suffer from dry eyes, I do put eye drops in before I wear the lenses because if I don’t, I will constantly blink.

I wanted to make this blog post to help you guys if you are to get contacts and I told you guys my story because I got my eyes checked weeks after my vision got blurry, which is obviously not good; if you do start seeing things as blurry, it could be because you need glasses, it might not be because you are tired or you being you.

Anonymous Angel

My Bullying Story

What’s the best way to start your blog, with a bullying story.

So, this all started in Reception, I was about 5 years old, and there was this girl, lets name her ‘S’, who wanted to be friends with me but I didn’t want to be friends with her; I don’t know why I just didn’t. I remember in Nursery to Reception I would do this to nearly everyone, but don’t worry, I’ve learnt my lesson. I think this was the start to her growing hatred of me!

Ok, moving on to Year 1, S had her own group of friends and I was apart of it, sometimes S would sometimes be my friend and sometimes she wouldn’t and as she was the Regina George of the group, her friends would do the same thing, whoever S didn’t like, they wouldn’t like either. But me being my 7-year-old self didn’t notice this until now (I’m 16).

After Year 1, S and I had split up in Year 2 and Year 3, but we were back in the same class in Year 4; this is when it had gotten serious. We were friends at the start and had forgotten about the past and I had my own close friend, lets call her K. After a few months S had suddenly got a change of heart about me. I have no idea how this happened but K found out that she was trying to split us up, which was unfortunately successful. S would constantly call me names and steal friends from me, she had made another group with some of the same people and some new people and again, she was the Regina George. Sometimes we were friends and sometimes we were not. You could also say that she was the Alison DiLaurentis of the group, but without the blonde hair and dead husband. I told my mum that S was bullying me and my mum told the teacher, but in my own personal opinion, I think that the teacher favoured S a lot more because I think that she thought that I was also being a bully as S would always tell the teacher that I was doing something to her. Also the bullying would’ve stopped if the teacher had actually done something. Again my own personal opinion.

But I think that as I would still be her friend, regardless of the fact that she was constantly bullying me, she always had the opportunity to do so, as I was a shy kid who was scared to say anything; I did say things sometimes but not as much. If I had left her group once and for all, the bullying would’ve stopped by then. But oh it didn’t.

Moving on to Year 5, we were kept in the same class resulting in S and I still being together (great). The same thing had continued then, but this time, it went on to be a bit more physical. There was this one time when S and her friends had ganged up on me and I physically scratched her face (might as well go for the team leader), we both told separate teachers and the teachers think that everything was better. No it wasn’t.

Finally Year 6! The same thing kept on going, I didn’t realise that if I had avoided the temptation of her group, then everything would’ve been alright and I wouldn’t be writing this blog post!

This time, the reason for S bullying me had changed (even though I have no idea as to why she had started in the first place) this time it was because I’m was not the most religious person, I’m still not (I’m a Muslim by the way). I was the only girl in class who did not wear a head scarf, and she would constantly force me to, she would ask me religious questions that I admit, I did not know, she would judge me for wearing nail polish and I would go to hell for it (even though you can wear it as long as you take it off for namaz) and she would say that snakes will eat me in my grave and the Sun would burn me just for wearing it. She called my mum the devil as I blamed her for the reason why I don’t wear a headscarf, I just purely said this so she would stop judging me, I know BAD mistake. She said that I would go to hell for not being a ‘good’ Muslim, but I doubt bullying someone will get you to heaven. If only I had said this then. K would call me a ‘fake Muslim’. I personally admit that if S was not in the same class as me, this would have NEVER happened. Due to this, S had literally turned the ENTIRE class against me and I barely had a proper friend. I had this one best friend, but she was scared of S so she had stopped being by friend. I felt truly heartbroken by this. Some girls who I would casually talk to would not admit to being my friend and whenever S was around, those girls would start being rude to me.

There was this one time when S was taunting me in which had resulted us talking in class, the teacher had gotten VERY annoyed with my and was shouting at me, I felt like crying. Another teacher had heard her taunting me and I saying some stuff to her, the teacher who had heard us had told the teacher who had shouted at me and we had both gotten in trouble but I didn’t fully defend myself as I was scared as hell. If I had defended myself, rather than saying ‘I didn’t say that’ then I wouldn’t have felt that embarrassed with myself.

Then I did something SO stupid that you would want to kill me because of it. After S and her group were taunting me about not being a proper Muslim, I had sent an email to her stating how much I hate her. This had made it worst. I know, I know it was stupid, I did this before to another girl before and yet, I did not learn. I still regret it to this day. I told the teacher this and S bullying me and the issue had died down. S and I were casually talking again but then she went on holiday before school had fully ended. I had once sent an email if she could give me this girl’s email but then she replayed very rudely, after that I had sent an email about how rude she is and then blocked her. That was the last time I talked to her.

After that, we had to go to Secondary School and thankfully, we had gotten accepted into different schools (YES!). The last time I saw her, she was picking her little sister up from school.

In conclusion, S was a bully. I could’ve stopped her if I had avoided her and left her group, but me being me I didn’t. It took me 5 years to realise this. I admit, I did some stuff that I’m not proud of (that stupid email) but I’ve learnt from it.

My advice is, that if you feel as if you’re that kid of the group who constantly gets bullied by the others, LEAVE THEM. Trust me you will feel liberated!

That’s it on my first ever blog post! Hope you guys enjoyed it. Writing this has bought back A LOT of memories and I constantly wish that if I had the same attitude I have now back then, then everything would’ve been different. I mean EVERYTHING!

Anonymous Angel