So, as you guys may or may not know, I am 17 years old, meaning that I’m in college – I live in the UK.
I’ve only been in college for a few months and it has been one hell of a roller coaster!
I was so happy to leave the past behind me and to start afresh, one with no dependence and toxic friendships!
Obviously I was anxious to start, I was going to meet new people and go to a completely new school that was outside of my borough! Luckily I knew a few people from my old school who were going there and one of them happened to be in the same form as me! – How weird was that?!
On my first day which was my birthday by the way, they made us do teamwork activities, which was very boring. I did meet some new people, obviously and ended up doing some *cough*rubbish*cough* teamwork! YAY
During the following days, I was starting to feel sick. I wouldn’t eat and even the thought of food would make me want to vomit. I think that this was because of the anxiety behind starting a new school. I did talk to my biology teacher about it (she looked like the kinda teacher you would cry to) and she said that its very common and she confirmed my theory.
I still felt sick but it ended when I vomited. YAY! I told her and she said that its good that I got it out!
On the following days, I met my teachers, made some new friends and got to know my subjects. But, one thing that was haunting my mind as English! For some reason, the subject was making me feel anxious and every time I had entered the class room, I just wanted to get out. I have no idea why and I was actually considering on dropping it. I was thinking about swapping it for Media Studies because it would benefit me more for my desired career!
So I signed up and waited.
While I was waiting two teachers from my house called me over because I was a nice student. They asked me whether I was dropping a subject and said yes and that I want to go into journalism.
Obviously they were shocked and looked as if they were talking to a stupid 17 year old girl, which they were. They kind of talked me out of it, but I still went to the head of sixth form and he said to find out more about Media Studies rather than going in blind. So that’s what I did.
After that I thought about it long and hard. I still wanted to drop English.
I went to the Head of Media and he told me everything about it – but to be honest, my mind was already made up. I was going to the head of sixth form’s office and I saw him from the window but, for some reason, everything felt too easy. I am all about fate and what I have learnt that if something is too easy, then it’s probably the wrong thing. I knew that I didn’t want to drop English, but for some reason I did. Maybe it was because I was overwhelmed by the new school or maybe it was because I couldn’t handle the new A Levels.
After that, I took a step back and decided to drop Biology instead. It made more sense with my career path and I only chose the subject because I thought that I might as well.
After doing that, I went to my former biology teachers and told them the news, they weren’t angry but they were shocked, they also understood where I was comming from. I also had to switch History teachers which was ok actually because one of them had a reputation of being a shit teacher. She was upset but in a sarcastic-jokey way and my new teachers turned out to be quite good.
My dad on the other hand, was not so happy with my decision (shocker). He said that I should go back and change it and even if I have to drop English, I need to do Biology. My mum was just mad that I didn’t talk to them about it – it was a spontaneous decision, everything was happening so fast!
Spoiler alert, I stayed to my desision! My head of house did come and ask me of my decision, I told him what I did and told him about my parents situation. He said that he would talk to them about it, but it never happened because my dad had gotten over it (kinda).
So, I had my first media lesson and GUESS WHAT!!! THE ONE PERSON WHO I HAD BEEN DREADING TO BE IN CLASS WITH AND EVEN LOOK AT WAS IN MY FREAKIN CLASS!!!! I MEAN WTF!!!
Why is she doing media studies?! What the f is she doing here?! I found this very strange as I did not think that she was the media kind of girl. I was also afraid that I’d run into her in History (because I changed classes) and she said that she was going to do it but she didn’t. She changed A LOT! It was fine, we barely talked but
I know she would talk about me behind my back and she told everyone that she hates me. What a nice person!
But a year later, she left and is repeating the year so KARMA!
So I still do Media Studies and I’m somewhat enjoying it (noone can fully enjoy a subject). If I hadn’t made my decision then I definitely wouldn’t have been best friends with WAE and I wouldn’t have found editing to be so theroputic!
I am still doing English and I f*****g HATE IT! IT’S SO HARD AND I FEEL LIKE STABBING MY SELF EVERYTIME SOMEONE TALKS ABOUT IT! I got an E (I think, the grade boundaries changed) and I’m dying!!!
So what have we learnt from this:
If you have anxiety over starting school (or anything in general), just talk to someone about it or atleast find the root cause.
If you are not happy with something (in general) CHANGE IT!!!
But make sure you’re making the right decision for yourself, not for anyone else.
Don’t be afraid of change!
Well that’s it for today! I am so focused on school that I barely have time to blog, I’m literally dying right now!
I’ll hopefully see you guys soon!